The Imcombobulations of An Incredible Imogenation

August 29, 2011

2011-08-29T20:38:00.000-06:00

Today Imogen and MamaJen had a conversation about making pancakes. I wasn't there for the exchange, so I can't do a word-for-word accounting. But I can tell you this:

Imogen informed MamaJen that to make pancakes, you must have bacon powder.

Jen said, "Not bak-ING powder?"

Oh no, silly MamaJen. Imogen correctly her swiftly. BACON powder. Every pancake needs bacon powder.

And now you know. Just think how many pancakes you've ruined by using the wrong ingredient. To the kitchens with you! Get it right!

August 18, 2011

2011-08-18T10:54:00.002-06:00

Imogen helped us prepare for our housewarming party over the weekend by creating signage for our refuse bins...

Imogen: Mummy, I'm drawing pictures of garbage on my sign for garbage.

Me: Great idea, Imogen.

Imogen: Yes, and on my sign for recycling I'm drawing empty bottles and broken bathtubs.

July 21, 2011

2011-07-21T20:54:00.000-06:00

Me: So how was the parade today, Imogen?

Imogen: It was okay. But the Autism Parade was better.

Me: The Autism Parade? What's that?

Imogen, with a sigh: Mum. It's the parade I was in with my bicycle.

Me: Do you mean the Cycle for Autism?

Imogen: No. I know what that is. And I won a prize there. That was a race, not a parade. I mean the Autism Parade where I rode my bike and Jen and Liam and Julius were with me and there were rainbows and people waved at me.

Me: Oh, you mean the Pride Parade!

Imogen: No, I mean the Autism Parade.

Me: Why do you think that parade was called the Autism Parade?

Imogen: Because it was about being special and about love. And that's what autism is about, Mum.

I can't argue with logic like that. The Autism Parade it is. Full of autists and queers. Some of us both.

July 15, 2011

2011-07-15T10:38:00.009-06:00

Seven of us are eating dinner. Imogen is keeping everyone amused with her longtime, ongoing narrative about how Jen is her biological mother and the mother she likes best. We are all giggling lots at her stories.

Imogen: Am I being silly?

Me: Yeah, maybe a little bit.

Imogen: Silly like a clown?

Me: Um, sure, maybe a little silly like a clown.

Imogen: Or silly like a beetle lying on its back on the top of a mountain?

You know, that near-iconic image of silly that springs to mind at the mention of the word. Uh huh.

June 3, 2011

2011-06-03T19:47:00.002-06:00

Imogen, in her sweet, sing-songy voice: I have my own penis now; I don't need my brother's anymore!

June 2, 2011

2011-06-02T18:34:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, for dessert I'm going to ride my bicycle. But don't worry, I won't eat it.

Me: Um, huh?

Imogen: Mummy, sometimes dessert can be riding your bike or having a bubble bath. It doesn't always have to be about eating sugary things. For you, Mummy, it can be about drinking wine.

May 25, 2011

2011-05-25T16:49:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, I'm going to save the planet.

Me: That's great to hear. How will you do it?

Imogen: Well, I'm going to find all the white dandelions and blow them all and then they'll all grow into more yellow dandelions and then they'll be white dandelions which are the most beautiful of all. And Mummy, more plants and flowers will save the planet.

Me: It sounds like you've thought a lot about this.

Imogen: Yes, and even I know that my plan has no carbon footprint.

April 20, 2011

2011-04-20T21:41:00.000-06:00

Imogen and I have been talking a lot about voting with the impending federal election here in Canada. She doesn't understand the whole process yet, voting, campaigning and such, but I think it's important to talk to her about it and include her in my discussions.
Imogen was therefore delighted when my friend Tanya came by on Sunday to get footage for her Dumping Stephen Harper video and she, Imogen, was included in the filming. Even more delighted was she when the video was posted. Imogen opens the video:

Upon seeing herself in the film, Imogen had this to say:

Imogen: Oh Mummy, I'm so glad I breaked up with Stephen Harper. He makes lots of thumbs down choices.

And her conversation with Jen about the video:

Imogen: Jen, you have to watch my movie.

Jen: I already watched it; you were great.

Imogen: You have to watch it again.

Jen: I already watched it like, six times.

Imogen: Then watch it a seventh.

And Jen? She tweeted about the video and Margaret Atwood retweeted her!!! Coolest thing ever.

April 4, 2011 round two

2011-04-04T19:31:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, if a little squirrel was in trouble, it might say to me, "help me, human!" And I would say to it, "little squirrel, I will save you."

Me: Really?

Imogen: Yes, and then, if the squirrel is parachuting, I will catch it. And if it is falling off a waterfall, I will row my boat to it and save it.

Me: You are a very, very kind and helpful person, Imogen.

Imogen: Actually, I am a kind and helpful HUMAN, Mummy.

April 4, 2011

2011-04-04T08:03:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, I'm going to wear my new puddle boots today.

Me: Great idea, dude.

Imogen: Yes. That's because sometimes a princess needs to be a pirate and sometimes a pirate needs to be a princess.*

*Imogen chose skull and crossbones boots at the store yesterday.

April 3, 2011

2011-04-03T19:28:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, I know how to make rocket soup.

Me: Oh yeah, how do you do that, Love?

Imogen: You take cheese and peas and musical jumping beans. And Mama, musical jumping beans are purple, but rocket soup is pink.

April 2, 2011

2011-04-03T10:22:00.000-06:00

Imogen: I know Jen, when we go to the Dominican, you and me and my daddy, we can send my mummy letters.

Jen: No, Imogen. You and me and your mummy will go on holidays together one day but I don't think you and me and your daddy will because I would miss your mummy.

Imogen: But we could draw her pictures and sometimes it's good to miss the people we love.

Jen: It's not gonna happen.

Imogen: Oh Jen, you are grumpy today.

April 1, 2011 round two

2011-04-01T18:36:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, these are not tomatoes (British accent) or tomatoes (Canadian accent.) These are moonsquirters. You can tell because they moonsquirt in your mouth.

April 1, 2011

2011-04-01T18:30:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, if I found a girl and she was turned into a frog, I would kiss her back into a girl.

Me: Oh yeah?

Imogen: Oh yeah. That's because I like kissing frogs and girls.

March 30, 2011

2011-03-31T08:59:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Oh Mummy, if we keep watching Farzzle, oh it's just so funny. Mummy, it's gonna kill me!

March 21, 2011 round two

2011-03-21T18:08:00.001-06:00

Me: How are your beets, Imogen?

Imogen: These are not beets, Mummy.

Me: Oh? What are they then?

Imogen: I like to call them hot male sugary marshmallows.

Here, I smiled, I thought discretely, trying to stifle my laughter.

Imogen: Mummy, are you giving me your happy face because you like them too? You just can't resist hot male sugary marshmallow beets, Mummy!

March 21, 2011

2011-03-21T09:35:00.000-06:00

When Imogen called Nanny yesterday and got Nanny's voicemail, this is the message she left:

Imogen: Hi Nanny, this is Imogen. I don't know why you didn't answer your phone. I am leaving you a message. If you would like to talk to me, press one. If you would like to talk to my mom, press two. If you want to call us all by yourself, press three. If you want to talk to everyone, press four. That's all. I love you. Bye.

March 18, 2011

2011-03-18T23:09:00.002-06:00

Me: Imogen, did you enjoy the play?

Imogen: Oh yes, Mummy. And I liked seeing Grayson.

Me: Yeah, that was great, hey?

Imogen: Yes. I liked the play and it was very good except one thing.

Me: What's that?

Imogen: They forgetted that I was the star.

March 16, 2011

2011-03-16T20:18:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Jen, these are the things you need to be a superstar. This is a sopping* list. You need to get one plum, two bags of bacon, and then, um, um, um, three bananas.

*sopping= shopping

March 14, 2011 round two

2011-03-14T18:44:00.000-06:00

Me: Imogen, can you be my helper? Can you run downstairs and grab the cup I left on the table?

Imogen: Of course I can, my little sweetie!

She used the "my little sweetie" phrase first on Jen, I should point out. I didn't record it at the time and can't recall the context.

March 14, 2011

2011-03-14T18:31:00.000-06:00

Me: Imogen, what would you like to have for supper tonight?

Imogen: Carrot sticks and bacon please.

Me: I'm sorry, we don't have any carrots right now. Maybe tomatoes?

Imogen: That's okay, Mummy. I don't want carrots. Only carrot STICKS.

February 27, 2011

2011-02-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

Imogen: Mummy! I just haved a great idea!

Me: Oh yeah, what's that?

Imogen: I want to get some special dirty bathtub dishes for Jen for her birthday!

Me: Huh?!?

Imogen: Yes, Mummy, special dirty bathtub dishes that she can wash all by herself in the bathtub.

Me: That sounds like a very, um, unique gift, Imogen.

Imogen: It is very unique and also Jen is going to love it! She will like my present the best.

Me: Um, yeah.

Imogen. Dirty bathtub dishes are the BEST!!!

By this point in the conversation, Imogen was hopping from leg to leg and waving her arms wildly with excitement. Why didn't I have my phone nearby to capture the giddiness?!?

February 21, 2011, round two

2011-02-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

After reading The Feel Good Book by Todd Parr, we had this conversation:

Me: What feels good to you, Imogen?

Imogen: It feels good when I go to school.

Me: That's great.

Imogen: It feels good when I have a sleepover with my dad.

Me: Awesome.

Imogen: It feels good when I say, "I love you" to my other mummy, Jen.

Me: Does it feel good when you say, "I love you" to me?

Imogen: No, Mummy. Then it feels like a job.

February 21, 2011

2011-02-21T19:48:00.002-07:00

Imogen: This popsicle is delicious like a warm icicle.

February 20, 2011... another kid!

2011-02-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

This one did not involve Imogen at all... but it was too adorable not to share...

Me: Which painting is your favourite, Liam?

Liam, pointing: That one.

Me: Why don't you go find out the name of it and we can include it in our comment in the guest book.

Liam: Okay.

Liam checks out the painting and returns.

Liam: It's called, "acrylic on canvas."

February 20, 2011

2011-02-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

At the Muttart Conservatory, in Culina, on Saturday morning...

Liam: Do you know what the soup of the day is?

Me: No, hon. I'll ask.

Me, to server: Excuse me, what's your soup today?

Server: It's roasted pork with sweet basil and...

Imogen, staring hard at server: I LOVE YOU!

Server: erm, ummm, er... sorry, that threw me off... there's um, white beans and tomatoes...

February 10, 2011

2011-02-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

Imogen: Mummy, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Me: I still don't know. What do you want to be?

Imogen: Well, I can't be a fairy because I don't have wings. So I guess I want to be a princess.

Me: What's involved in being a princess?

Imogen: It means I get to be like Jen.

February 7, 2011 round two

2011-02-07T21:54:00.002-07:00

Imogen: Oh Mummy, I had so much fun at Olivia's daddy's birthday party!

Me: That's great, love.

Imogen: For my birthday party, I want to go to the United Nations in New York City.

Isn't that every five year old's dream???

February 7, 2011

2011-02-07T21:52:00.002-07:00

Jen: How was school today? Did you play with Lily and Sadie?

Imogen: Oh Jen. There are lots of girls in my class. More than Lily and Sadie. There are so many girls. All day I was playing with the ladies.

February 6, 2011

2011-02-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

Imogen had a large quantity of toys in storage while we stayed with my parents. Now that we've moved into our new place, they're out again.

Imogen: Mummy! It's my map!

Me: It sure is, kiddo.

Imogen: I see Russia and China and Turkey and the Democratic Republic of the Congo!

Me: Good remembering, Mo.

Imogen: Yes, and I see Canada. And look! There's the United States of Disneyland!

February 5, 2011

2011-02-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

Imogen: Mummy, this candy Jen bought me tastes just like bacon.

Me: Oh, really? Saltwater taffy that tastes like bacon, hey?

Imogen: Yes. It's not greasy or salty or crispy or fatty or delicious. But it still tastes just like bacon!

December 24, 2010

2010-12-24T16:00:00.001-07:00

Imogen: Mummy, we can't get a new kitty because that would be wasting kitties.

December 12, 2010

2010-12-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

As we were returning to our seats following the intermission at The Nutcracker...

Imogen: Mummy, maybe now we will see Alvin and the Chipmunks!

November 12, 2010

2010-11-12T18:49:00.002-07:00

Me: Imogen, it's time for your bath!

Imogen: I don't want a bath.

Me: But baths are very important; they make you clean and keep you from becoming stinky.

Imogen: Yes, and if I don't have a bath, the other kids might say, "Eww, that's Imogen and she smells like a dirty coffee candy."

November 9, 2010

2010-11-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

Imogen: Mummy, do you think that everyone has some little bit of autism?

Me: You are wise, Imogen, I think you're probably right.

Imogen: I don't think so. I think everyone just has some little bit of diarrhea.

November 7, 2010 round two

2010-11-07T20:03:00.002-07:00

Imogen: Mummy, you are going to be the daughter and I am going to be the Mummy.

Me: Okay Mummy.

Imogen: Yes, and now Julius will be the Grandad and Nanny will be the little sister.

Me: Okay, I will try to keep track of that all, kiddo.

Imogen: Not 'kiddo', you have to call me 'Mummy.'

Me: Right. Mummy.

Imogen: And you need to give me the car keys, daughter, because I'm driving now.

November 7, 2010

2010-11-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

Imogen: Mummy, did you know that it's your birthday on Thursday?

Me: I did know that.

Imogen: Did you know that you are going to be one hundred years old?

November 4, 2010

2010-11-04T20:21:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, that shooting star looks just like a helicopter!

Me: Maybe it's a helicopter, then?

Imogen: That's enough ridiculousness, Mummy.

November 1, 2010

2010-11-01T19:44:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, did you know that I am just like a sloth?

Me: No, I didn't know that.

Imogen: Yes, I am. That's because I snore like a sloth and I'm beautiful like a sloth.

October 30, 2010

2010-10-30T19:48:00.000-06:00

Imogen: I'm Imogen Mouse and when I go to school I will say "I'm Imogen Mouse" and then my teacher will say, "eek, a mouse!" and I will squeak and everyone will be scared of me.

Me: Wow, that sounds very interesting, Imogen.

Imogen: But actually, I don't want to scare my friends so I will say, "I'm just a nice mouse, not a scary mouse" and they will say, "oh good" and then we'll all cuddle and eat candy.

October 26, 2010

2010-10-26T07:36:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, now that snow is here, it's Christmas! Is Santa coming tomorrow?

October 25, 2010

2010-10-25T07:27:00.001-06:00

Imogen: Oh Mummy! Winter is my my most beautiful season ever! Maybe when you drive me to my dad's house we can have snowball fights with the other cars!

October 24, 2010

2010-10-24T08:26:00.000-06:00

The following took place while Imogen was hopping on one foot and producing rehearsed grunts.

Imogen: Jude, look at me!

Jude laughs giddily.

Imogen: Jude, look at me!

Jude laughs hysterically.

Imogen: Jude, look at me!

Jude falls down laughing, and snorts a little bit.

Imogen: Oh Mummy, Jude is so funable!

October 23, 2010

2010-10-23T21:06:00.000-06:00

Imogen: I put the spoons on the table, Mummy.

Me: Aw, thanks Imogen. We actually don't need spoons tonight, but that was so nice and thoughtful of you.

Imogen: I'm sorry, Mummy.

Me: Oh sweetie, you don't need to be sorry at all! You didn't do anything wrong. You were being so nice and helpful! That's wonderful!

Imogen: No Mummy, that's not why I'm sorry. I'm sorry because you have to use the spoon because I said so.

I swear I do NOT speak to her like that. Ack!!!

October 21, 2010

2010-10-21T20:52:00.000-06:00

In an effort to get Imogen to eat some lasagne tonight (not a favourite for her, because it involves a lot of foods mixed up and touching each other,) I was being extra silly in my requests. Humor sometimes works.

Me: Imogen, you can choose to have three bites of your yummy chicken lasagne or you can have seven HUNDRED bites! Which do you want?

Imogen: Three. You are not funny, Mummy, and I will not eat seven hundred bites.

Me: Grandad would eat seven hundred bites, wouldn't you Grandad?

Grandad: Oh yes.

Me: That's because Grandad is almost SEVEN HUNDRED years old!!!

Imogen: Mummy, you are ridiculous. If Grandad was seven hundred years old, his head would have growed out of the roof.

October 20, 2010

2010-10-20T07:14:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, it's purple day so I need to do a purple pee.

October 19, 2010, round two

2010-10-19T08:29:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, did you know that Snow White eated the bad apple and that is a thumbs down choice because she getted very sick and then she falled asleep and her friends, the dwarves cried and cried and then a prince comed and kissed her so she waked up?

Me: Yes, I think I've heard that story, kiddo.

Imogen: But Mummy, why didn't the dwarves take Snow White to the doctor?

Me: Good question, Imogen. I think that's what I'd want my friends to do for me if I was sick.

Imogen: Me too, Mummy. I think Belle should have taked Snow White to the doctor and then Snow White can kiss Belle to say thank you for helping me get better.

Me: Imogen, I like the way you think.

October 19, 2010

2010-10-19T08:07:00.003-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, look, the sun is coming up and the stars have fainted away!

October 17, 2010

2010-10-17T15:08:00.000-06:00

Me: Hey Imogen, do you want to have a little nap while Julius is asleep?

Imogen: No.

Me: We could cuddle up together for a nap.

Imogen: How about we just cuddle up together and be awake and tell each other how much I love you.

cue my heart, melting.

October 16, 2010

2010-10-16T08:26:00.002-06:00

Me: Okay, there you go, kiddo. Two piggie tails coming out the top, just like you ordered.

Imogen: Let me see!

Imogen, looking in the mirror: Oh Mummy, I have wonderful news! I look just like a yak!

October 15, 2010 round two

2010-10-15T21:47:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, can I have sprinkles on my cupcake?

Me: Sure kiddo, I'll just get them. Here they a... OOPS!

Imogen: That's okay Mummy. And Mummy, when you spill sprinkles, I'll always be there for you.

October 15, 2010

2010-10-15T16:47:00.000-06:00

Whilst driving in the car...

Imogen: Julius, Mummy asked you to take a nap and you are not taking a nap. That is a thumbs down choice.

~pause~

Imogen: Julius, it's very important for you to make thumbs up choices. That's because then that makes you a big kid and proud of yourself.

Me: That's a great way of explaining thumbs up choices, Imogen.

Imogen: I know all about thumbs up choices. Julius, if you don't start making thumbs up choices I'm going to call you a very bad boy and yell at you.

Me: Um, do you think that would be a thumbs up choice, Imogen?

Imogen: Maybe it's a thumbs sideways choice.

October 14, 2010

2010-10-14T22:23:00.002-06:00

Me: What do you want to do after school today, Imogen?

Imogen: Go to the Jube.

Me: The Jube?

Imogen: Yes, that's what I said. I want to see Mama Mia with Hanan.

October 11, 2010 fundraising update

2010-10-11T23:12:00.000-06:00

Thank you to everyone who contributed to Imogen's fundraising campaign for her brother. There was a minor technical fault yesterday which closed the giving page a day early, but in fixing it, I've reopened it until the 14th for anyone who wanted to but missed out on donated.
At present, Imogen's fundraising efforts have gathered $575 for the Centre for Autism Services Alberta. She's had donations from friends, family, and from people we've never even met. It's been pretty amazing. It's been amazing to see Imogen's determination (today at the playground, she was filling in another child on what she's doing, much to the bafflement of the other child...) and amazing to see what a fantastic bunch of people she and I know.
Thank you, everyone, from the bottom of Imogen's "sweet little big girl heart!"

October 11, 2010

2010-10-11T22:54:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Grandad, come play outside with me!

Grandad: Okay, I'll be right there.

Imogen: Hurry up!

Grandad: I'm coming!

Grandad in arrives in the backyard.

Imogen: Grandad, you took so long because your tummy is huge! Actually, your tummy is enormous!

October 8, 2010

2010-10-08T11:11:00.000-06:00

Last night, we had a little baby visiting us overnight. Imogen shared her bedroom with the little one. When the baby woke at 1230, crying, Imogen woke too. She, Imogen, was very concerned about the baby.

Imogen: Mummy, I think when this baby is saying WAHHHH and WAHWAH what she really means is "I miss my mummy so much and you just aren't her."

Me: I think you're right, Imogen.

Imogen: Yes, she likes us but she knows that we aren't her mummies and that makes her feel very sad.

Me: Yes.

Imogen: Mummy, I'm going to get my worry dolls and show her how they work so she can put them under her pillow and they will take her worries away and then she'll stop being so sad.

Me: That is so nice of you, Imogen. You are such a wonderful friend.

Imogen: Mummy, it breaks my sweet little big girl heart when the baby is sad.

October 7, 2010

2010-10-07T20:57:00.000-06:00

Me: Hey Imogen, what are you up to in Grandad's office?

Imogen: I'm doing some important work, Mum.

Me: Oh yeah?

Imogen: Yes. I'm clicking on the computer and I need you to leave. I need my privacy.

October 5, 2010

2010-10-05T20:02:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, I don't know why Winnie-the-Pooh only wears a red shirt. His bum is hanging out and that must make him feel very cold.

October 3, 2010

2010-10-03T21:13:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Let's pretend that you're the kid and I'm the mummy.

Me: Okay, sounds like fun!

Imogen: Oh my sweet little girl, I love you so much!

Me: Oh my sweet old Mummy, I love you so much too!

Imogen: Do you need some coffee, daughter?

Me: Yes, I do. Can you get me some please?

Imogen: Of course, my little dear.

~pause~

Imogen (SHOUTING): Nanny*, make some coffee for Kim!!!

*Nanny is what Imogen calls her grandmother.

October 2, 2010

2010-10-02T20:46:00.000-06:00

Imogen: If I was a unicorn, I would stick my horn into a big tomato and blackberry tree and shake my head all around til my horn shaked down all the tomatoes and blackberries.

Me: That sounds yummy.

Imogen: Actually, Mummy, it sounds silly. But it will sound yummy when you make me a cake with my tomatoes and blackberries.

September 30, 2010

2010-09-30T10:02:00.000-06:00

Me: So Birthday Girl, what would you like for your Birthday Breakfast?

Imogen: Apples and carrots, please.

Me: Are you sure? You can have anything you want for a birthday breakfast.

Imogen: I'm five now, Mum, so I know I need to eat healthy food. I want apples and carrots, okay?

Help Imogen's Brother Learn to Talk

2010-09-29T08:30:00.000-06:00

Imogen returned to this topic today. Apparently the charitable gift card she received really got her thinking. She wants more birthday money to help her brother talk. I can't tell you how huge my heart feels when I hear my little girl eager to advocate on her brother's behalf.

So I'm helping her out in her pursuit; I've set up a donation page on CanadaHelps.org. Through it, you can make a birthday donation on Imogen's behalf to the Centre for Autism Services Alberta, the organization which is providing Julius's support at present. They are a non-profit charity providing a variety of services to children with autism, helping them reach their fullest potential.

If you'd like to help Imogen in her fundraising efforts, please give here. The page is open to October 10, 2010. I'll post her fundraising total here on the 11th!

Thank you for your support, everyone!!! Oh, and no post is complete without a direct quote from Imogen, so:

Imogen: I think when Julius learns how to talk, he will be very funny. And we will laugh a lot together.

September 28, 2010

2010-09-28T21:28:00.000-06:00

Imogen received an online gift card for Just Give today, in honour of her upcoming birthday. I discussed what it was with her and the following was part of our conversation about charitable giving:

Me: So it's tricky to understand, but you got a gift of some money to send to someone who really needs some help, maybe because they are sick or hurt or scared or just need some extra love.

Imogen: That's not tricky, Mum. That's just nice.

Me: You are so right. We looked at some of the charities you can send your money to. Do you know who you would like to have your special birthday money?

Imogen: Yes, I want to give it to Julius to help him learn to talk.

Yeah, it's right about there where Imogen's momma got very, very teary.

September 23, 2010

2010-09-23T12:11:00.000-06:00

Me: I bet you can't take one really big bite of your sandwich, Imogen.

Imogen: Yes I can! (takes a big bite of sandwich.)

Me: I bet you can't take two really big bites of your sandwich, Imogen!

Imogen: Mummy, the dragon in the Paper Bag Princess is dumb, but I am not.

September 22, 2010

2010-09-22T19:34:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mum, I think that Tinkerbelle might throw up.

Me: Oh no, we'd better get her to the bathroom so she does it in the toilet!

Imogen: Mum, Tinkerbelle is a toy. She can't really throw up. And if she did, she would rather pee in the toilet anyway. Except that it's hard for her to sit on the potty. I think maybe she needs a Turkish toilet. That will be easier for her.

Me: I thought you said she was a toy?

Imogen: Toys only can pee and poo, not puke.

September 21, 2010

2010-09-21T22:17:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mum, I love you.

Me: Thanks, Imogen, I love you too.

Imogen: But I love you more than anything.

Me: That's how much I love you!

Imogen: I think you might love your coffee in the morning a bit more, Mum. Let's be serious.

September 20, 2010

2010-09-20T20:09:00.002-06:00

Me: That was a good book, should we have another one, Imogen?

Imogen: Mummy! I think you're getting a little bit out of control!

September 19, 2010

2010-09-19T21:55:00.002-06:00

Whilst driving through the Alberta prairie at sunset...

Imogen: Mum, look at all those lights that are starting to poke out. They're like... little pokey things.

September 18, 2010

2010-09-18T18:03:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mum, I really liked seeing Brenda's beautiful paintings.

Me: Yes, me too.

Imogen: I also liked going to the library.

Me: Yes, me too.

Imogen: But Mum, I did not like your dress.

September 17, 2010

2010-09-17T20:23:00.000-06:00

In the change room at the pool after a glorious swimming extravaganza:

Imogen: Ollie, that is the cutest penis I have ever seen!

(Ollie looks baffled.)

Imogen: My brother's penis is the best in the whole world.

I am SO glad that it was Ollie's Mama who was with us for this. She's about the only person I know who could laugh instead of discretely dialing children's services...

September 16, 2010

2010-09-16T09:24:00.001-06:00

Imogen: I am really glad that this fruit fly is not a brownie fly.

September 15, 2010

2010-09-15T11:38:00.002-06:00

Imogen, to her wailing brother:
JULIUS!!! You have to stop all this grumpy behaviour right now! Otherwise you are going to be just like me!

September 14, 2010, round three

2010-09-14T19:48:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mum, our family is not like other families.

Me: Oh yeah, how's that?

Imogen: Well, other families have mothers but I have a Mummy Pig.

September 14, 2010, round two

2010-09-14T16:22:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Guess what, Mum?!

Me: What kiddo?

Imogen: At school we went to a new park! It's a park called recess!

September 14, 2010

2010-09-14T08:09:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mum, I couldn't eat in my pyjamas because I became crying. But then I put on my clothes and everything felt better and my food wanted me to eat it again.

September 12, 2010

2010-09-12T22:56:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, I think that I really loved Auntie Bonnie's dragon in her basement called Sal E.

Me: Yeah, it was really cool when we got to pet him, wasn't it?

Imogen: Yes, and he did not breathe fire, that was a silly thing to say, Mummy.

Me: Well, you know me. Silly Mama, right?

Imogen: Yes, silly you. Did you know that I am that dragon's special princess?

September 10, 2010

2010-09-10T18:00:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, I just don't know why that woman lives* in the children's library if she doesn't like children. She needs to be nice to me, that library woman. She needs a really, really big time out to think about her behaviour.

Me: You are so right, kiddo.

*The concept of work has yet to gel for Imogen; she believes that people live wherever we encounter them.

September 9, 2010

2010-09-09T17:18:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mum, it's hard being us sometimes, isn't it?

Me: Yes, it sure is.

Imogen: So it's good that we love each other, right?

Me: Absolutely.

Imogen: Mum, you're the best mother I ever had.

September 7, 2010 round two

2010-09-07T20:36:00.000-06:00

In the car after school, Imogen was uncharacteristically quiet. Though she doesn't always talk to me, she usually sings or tells stories. Today, nothing, until this conversation, initiated by her.

Imogen: Mummy, I'm not normal.

Me: What does normal mean?

Imogen: I don't really know but I'm not normal and I just want to be normal.

Me: I think you're really great the way you are. Can you tell me some more about what makes you want to be normal?

Imogen: No. I miss my friends in Turkey.*

*"I miss my friends in Turkey" is the script to which Imogen reverts to when she's overwhelmed by and unable to talk about emotions she's experiencing.

Any suggestions for on how to talk to Imogen about this? I'm heartbroken for her that she feels this way.

September 7, 2010

2010-09-07T14:14:00.000-06:00

Today was Imogen's first day of kindergarten. She is attending a special program called Socialization Kindergarten especially for children with disabilities. The following scene unfolded in the cloak room at drop-off.

SLP (speech language pathologist): Look Imogen, there's Eloise*.

Imogen: Oh yay! She's going to be my best friend. Hi Eloise!

Eloise, to her mother: I like how that girl looks.

(pause)

Eloise: She's prettier than me and she doesn't like Hello Kitty. Oh no, this is not good.

Imogen: I like Hello Kitty and we are both the prettiest! You're my best friend.

Eloise: Oh, okay. That's alright then.

*Eloise is not the child's actual name; I don't use names unless I've sought parental consent.

September 6, 2010

2010-09-06T20:32:00.002-06:00

Me: Imogen, you are so beautiful.

Imogen: You're welcome, Mummy.

September 3, 2010

2010-09-03T21:23:00.000-06:00

Via telephone (Imogen has gone to Calgary for the weekend with her father.)

Imogen: Mummy, I really miss you so much.

Me: Imogen, I miss you so much too. And I love you so much.

Imogen: My brother and my cat are crying for me, aren't they?

Me: Yes, they are.

Imogen: Tell them I love them and I will be back soon.

Me: Okay, I will.

Imogen: You might forget, Mummy. Let me talk to my cat.

September 1, 2010

2010-09-01T18:35:00.003-06:00

Imogen: Mum, I have some very sad news.

Me: What's that?

Imogen: When Julius cries, it makes me cry inside too.

August 30, 2010

2010-08-30T20:44:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, if you do very naughty things, I will have to put you in a time out and say, "You are never, ever allowed to have fun again."

Me: Wow, that seems very harsh, Imogen. Is that what you think I'm saying to you when you have a time out?

Imogen: No, when you tell me to have a time out you say, "Imogen, you need to take a little break."

Me: That's right, I do say that. So where did no fun ever again come from?

Imogen: That's because fun is only for kids.

Did someone show my kid the Trix commercial when I wasn't looking???

August 29, 2010

2010-08-29T18:46:00.000-06:00

Imogen, whilst trying a piece of playground equipment that previously had been too intimidating for her:

Mummy, I'm being very brave. I'm also fearless. And fashionable.

August 28, 2010

2010-08-28T16:13:00.001-06:00

Me: So tonight, you're having a sleepover party at Nanny's house. Should we stop at the grocery store on the way and pick up a special dessert?

Imogen: Oh yes! That's a great idea, Mummy!

Me: What would you like? Maybe cake or chips? Candy? Cookies?

Imogen: BACON!!! That's the best dessert to me!

August 26, 2010

2010-08-26T12:14:00.002-06:00

Me: Could you please come back to the kitchen and finish your yogurt, Imogen?

Imogen: I don't need yogurt, Mum.

Me: Well, honey, you do. It's good for your tummy and good for your bones.

Imogen: Actually Mum, my nipples make Immy-milk now and I'm just gonna drink that to help me grow big and strong, okay?

August 24, 2010

2010-08-24T20:18:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, did you know that last night I did not have any nightmares?

Me: Is that right?

Imogen: No, it's wrong. I had some nightmares.

Me: Do you want to talk about them?

Imogen: Are you crazy, Mummy? Nightmares are not for talking about!

August 23, 2010

2010-08-23T16:42:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, do you know that when my pictures are in the art gallery in New York City everyone will say "hooray Imogen, you are amazing" and they will give me a blue ribbon?

Me: That sounds wonderful, Imogen.

Imogen: Yeah, and I'll say, "Thanks guys."

August 21, 2010

2010-08-22T01:11:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, I see a shooting star so you have to make a wish.

Me: Okay. I wish for someone really wonderful to love.

Imogen: That's a very bad wish, Mummy. You have to wish for the princesses at the ball or the sun exploding.

Me: Oh really? I can't wish for whatever I want?

Imogen: I don't make the rules, Mum. I just tell them.

Me: Okay, I guess I wish for the princesses at the ball.

Imogen: I wish for some gummi bears.

Me: What about the rules?!

Imogen: Rules are only for mothers.

August 20, 2010

2010-08-20T10:14:00.000-06:00

Upon getting Nanny's voicemail when trying to call her at work:

Imogen: You crazy Nanny! You can't keep sending me messages! You have to talk to me!

August 19, 2010

2010-08-19T22:54:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mum, at the library party, a boy chased me so I ran!

Me: Oh yeah?

Imogen: Yeah. I ran so fast like a cheetah.

Me: That's fast.

Imogen: Yeah. It's fast like a peacock.

August 18, 2010

2010-08-18T22:49:00.000-06:00

Imogen: What do you want to be when you grow up, Mummy?

Me: An artist. What do you want to be, Imogen?

Imogen: A drag queen.

Me: Oh yeah? That's a fun thing.

Imogen: Yes. Or a soccer coach.

I think she should find a way to combine the two for the most fabulous sporty-chic career ever.

August 17, 2010 round two

2010-08-17T20:25:00.003-06:00

Imogen: I know Mummy, how about we have some water tea to help us relax?

Me: Sounds delicious.

Imogen: I'll just dip my teapot in the toilet to get us some water.

August 17, 2010

2010-08-17T12:02:00.000-06:00

Me: Imogen, what do you want for breakfast?

Imogen: Carpet bread*.

Me: Do you want peanut butter and jam on it?

Imogen: No, I only want peanut butter and jam in it and rolled up.

*Carpet bread is Imogen's term for a wrap.

August 16, 2010

2010-08-16T13:46:00.002-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, I need help opening this bag.

Me: Sure. Can you try asking?

Imogen: Yes. Mummy, please can you help me open this bag?

Me: Of course! Great asking, kiddo!

(I reach for the bag.)

Imogen: NO!!! I'm going to do it by myself!!!

August 12, 2010

2010-08-12T10:25:00.000-06:00

Imogen: Mummy, Charlie is lost!

Me: Who is Charlie, honey?

Imogen (exasperated): Charlie is my pet fly, Mummy! She came home from Calgary with me in Nanny's car and now she's lost!

Me: Do you think maybe she stayed in Nanny's car to keep Nanny company?

Imogen: No. I think she stayed in Nanny's car and then Nanny killed her with a fly swatter.

August 11, 2010 round three

2010-08-11T17:42:00.000-06:00

Julius, I'm really sorry that I snatched that teddy bear away from you and made you cry. But I am not so sorry that I'll give you a kiss and a hug because that is not what I want to do. Now give me that teddy bear nicely.

August 11, 2010 round two

2010-08-11T13:00:00.002-06:00

Me: Imogen, please can you eat up your tomato sauce?

Imogen: Sorry ma'am, but that isn't going to happen.

August 11, 2010

2010-08-11T09:09:00.000-06:00

Imogen was in the hotel pool and was presented with an inflatable palm tree by our friend T. T helped her configure the palm tree such that Imogen could float and propel herself.

Imogen: Mummy, Mummy! Look at me! I'm swimming all by myself!

Me: You are! That's awesome, Immy!

Imogen: It's a dream come true!